FlashFriday: Re-imaging a story

Today’s prompt at FlashFriday  was particularly uninspiring for me, I did have a beginning line, but I had no idea what to do with it.  This time, rather than take you through the revision process in detail, I’m going to present the two versions of the story I wrote.

The prompt:

Canal Workers (Suez Canal). CC Photo by Hossam el-Hamalawy.

 

Did I pick the right one?  That is anybody’s guess.

Eye of the Beholder – V1

We see what we want to see, it’s our nature. We trust our senses, but our senses lie. What we see is clouded by what we think we know. This truth is universal.

It is how I have moved among the humans for so long. They see what I want them to see, not because of some trickery, but because I blend in. They think nothing of me when they see me all the while I gather the information needed finish my report.

They are so used to my presence that they think nothing of seeing me wherever I appear. I am faceless, nameless, and so they dismiss my presence as nothing out of the ordinary. I am everywhere and nowhere at once, and it is why I have worked so well.

Today- I am a camera… tomorrow… a stop light… There is nothing to be seen—and everything to be known.

Eye of the Beholder – V2

I move among them, fearless in my anonymity.  I have played this game long enough that I know that they will see what I want them to see.  True, there is always the chance that someone will see through my disguise, see what I am actually doing:  it is one of the risks of the job.  Espionage is a dangerous game, but I play it well.

Today’s assignment was to gather information on the waterways and canals in the region.  I size them up, with certain aplomb, gathering the images we will need when we take over.  Instead of a threat, they see a woman cheering on her menfolk and taking pictures.

They never suspect that behind my mask I spell their doom.  How could they?  They see me every day, me or ones like me… but I gather the information safe in the knowledge that I blend in.

Today, I am a camera… tomorrow I could be a stoplight.

The first version is more monologue, the second… a little more descriptive. … I posted the second version because it filled the blanks in better but… now I’m wondering if I could have done it better, more action, less narrative.

What do you think?

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About mtdecker

Just your average writer- which is to say, I have a full-time job developing and testing software.
This entry was posted in Flash Fiction, general, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to FlashFriday: Re-imaging a story

  1. mmdecker7 says:

    Liked the 2nd one better too. Both were good ,but so were most of the stories yoyu commented on.

    ________________________________

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